Prepping to get a critical opinion

I mentioned a while ago that I was going to meet a writing coach. So this week I am prepping the material I would like reviewed. I am 
mainly concerned with two questions:

1) Am I on the write(lol) track? Am I following a proper outlining process that will allow me to succeed… OR am I deceiving myself?

2) One critical item to work on writing wise. Currently I am struggling with the whole concept of “Show, Don’t Tell”. At some point you have to describe the setting you are in? So hopefully she will point out one helpful point for me.

The chronological order of the story is put together, but after reading it through, it is very rough. What I mean by this is that I am not getting the whole story out of my head. Lots of bits and pieces are coming out, but not all the key points. I will be going over it several times this week. This is very repetitive work, but oddly enjoyable.

While putting it together I stumbled across a minor character I need to deal with Britta Couri (not her real name). She turns out to be our HERO’s guide aboard the starship Spirit.

I will let the description of Spirit present why Tanner needs a guide…(if you are playing the dcd drinking game, this is your second ellipses, double shot)


Our commentator is The Abbott, Nathan Farstrider of the Dominion. Believers in the One God

“Let me present to you the my flagship, Spirit. She’s old but she has served us well over the years. With a diameter of 15 kilometers, it gives her a circumference of just over 47 kilometers and a displaced volume of about 1700 cubic kilometers. Her crew, the staff to run the ship total 10,000 persons. With my staff and support personnel she supports 18,000. Over the years we have added rooms for another 3000 visitors.
The interior surface of the ship is lined with a complete hydroponic eco system. The eco-system functions in 2 core ways. The first is obvious in that it can supply a tremendous amount of basic food stuffs. The farms can also be planted to grow planet specific food

The second use is for medicinal plants. This section is maintained through an agreement with the Unsforce Collective. If needed Spirit can be a support food station for nations and worlds that are devastated by natural disaster. She has been used in this capacity on many occasions. The Consortium and the Republic have their own hub. Several other governments have consulates on Spirit.

The exterior surface, which you can see is pot marked, houses some 1,000 weapon emplacements. The largest of which are the mass particle beams capable of destroying small moons, given time. They are focused off the “top” and “bottom” of the dodecahedron power grid. Spirit is the Hammer and Shield of the Faith.”
File:Roman dodecahedron.jpg

He goes on to explain power supplies and other details. But  you now see the need for the guide. Of course I went for the cliche of an attractive women to take Tanner around the ship. Sadly it turns out they each spurn the other, both for painful reasons, it is doubtful that they will remain friends.


I am still struggling with working entirely on the computer. It is frustrating not to have bits of paper scattered about to use a quick reference or reminder of how I want to tie this point into that section. I continue to revise. Expect a follow up on how coaching session next week.

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